Women Drivers

Indian men can't stand a woman driving!! There I said it.... and its an Indian truth(coz, I dunno about how it is abroad...) The moment they spot a lady on her vehicle, they have to peer and observe her riding or driving.  For them, its the 8th greatest wonder if a girl rides a bullet or drives a hummer. According to men, women in general just don't have what it takes to be driving a car or riding a bike. No sense of direction, no understanding of the power of the vehicle and no road sense at all. As it is, woman are fighting a war literally everyday to make a place for themselves in all aspects and add to this the woes of travelling on your own vehicle. I thought, it may only happen in smaller cities and towns, till I stayed in Mumbai for some time. The city is the coolest metro with malls, theatres, eateries and good hang-out places in every nook and corner, but finding a woman rider is a rare phenomena there, which is weirdly surprising. And even if a girl does venture out, you won't find her on the main junction roads or flyovers.

One evening, Matt and me were passing the road parallel to Haji Ali. And we saw a girl riding an Activa. All the people turned their heads to watch, and after sometime, some guys on their bikes started honking and hooting. My friend D was also riding along with us, and started honking. It just was so instinctive for them to honk. Like a bunch of monkeys following their chief and  they just kept watching her till she vanished from sight. I was horrified!!  I asked D why he did that. And he said something like 'She shouldn't be riding on a highway, it's not safe with all the big vehicles and traffic', which didn't make sense at all. I mean, who made them the guardians of all the girls on the street.

In Pune, though men are quite tolerant ('coz they don't have a choice), one will usually see them looking at women riders with ridicule and shake their heads as to 'What this world is coming to', when they see a girl speeding through. The comments range from 'see what she is wearing while riding a bike' to 'she can't even balance her handles properly' to 'how can she kick start with those heels'. And then the typical malayali achayans stating, 'pennangal aaittu pogannu pokku kandille'(being girls, see how they are going) or 'Vandi odikyan arriyithille veethil vekaratho?'( If you don't know how to drive, keep your vehicle at home). I know one such achayan who wouldn't buy a 2- wheeler for his daughter. And the reason he cited, 'Oh, girls are always riding so fast now-a-days. Its scary out there.' Yeah rite, boys are the safest and slowest riders ever. Girls are the ones obsessed with speed. 
  
The worst kinds are the truck and lorry-drivers on connecting routes to the highways.  They get specially excited first of all seeing a girl, and then a girl riding a 2-wheeler, its like 'sone pe suhaaga'. They have to overtake or corner or race a girl on a bike. I have personally faced it so many times. And god-forbid, when you overtake them when they are least expecting, you'll hear an array of colorful words and hand gestures.        

Its like, men just can't accept that a woman can drive on her own without making a mistake. Matt or his friend D have to pass a remark or raise their eyebrows if they can sight one woman driving a big vehicle like a bmw or a benz. Its like their head turns to see the vehicle, then it turns to see the driver and then it turns once more if its a girl, this time much faster. D had a time of his life when he came to Pune. He was so irritated because he couldn't see the faces of the women riding their 2-wheelers as they cover their faces with scarves. And the patience level almost hits ceiling, when they see a woman parking or navigating their cars through heavy traffic. Matt, (an ardent believer that women by large don't know how to drive, sparing a few) will wait and stand at times just to watch how a woman parks her car and says 'Oh, I should go and help her.'

He narrated an incident which happened many years before, when one night a lady was riding a chetak. She came in good speed and hit a speed breaker, after which she lost her balance and instead of trying to control, she left her hands to cover her face and screamed. Well, who says, just because we ride, we should lose our feminity? Women will be women and we'll ride just like how a woman is supposed to. And even if we go flying down after a skid, we'll see that our hair is in place and fall in style. You don't like it?? Too bad...as the scooty ad goes "Why should men have all the fun?"

Keeping pace with my Momsie-in-law

My in-laws are visiting us for 2 weeks. They arrived on Sunday the week before. It is always a delight to have them around the house. They do not waste any time in settling down or taking rest , but start off taking charge of the house hold activities and everything. They are always there to greet me when I reach home, otherwise which is empty, since Matt comes home quite late. The house has lit up so much with lively, animated conversation, laughter, chatty arguments over the silliest things(my mom-in-law and me about whether a certain fruit was an orange or sweet lime), narrating old childhood stories and unlimited food - heavy breakfast, lunch and dinners. Literally everyday, I feel like taking a leave and staying at home.

My mom-in-law is a pure workaholic. She worked as a nurse and is now a house wife in the fullest sense. As a nurse, she had to work many shifts and then manage home with 3 unruly boys who were obviously up to no good. And now she has the set pattern of working 24/7 around the clock. Before coming to visit us, she made around 6 jackfruit halwa - a specialty of Kerala, ground coconut chutney and pineapple jam(let me remind you, these things take a loads of time to prepare and requires constant attention). In the last one week at home, she has made 3 bottles of pickles - lime, garlic and mango, other delicacies like unni appams and urad wadas. She has prepared enough spices - right from scratch - for me to use for the next 6 months. And all this despite of the fact that I constantly try to stop her from entering the kitchen, at least when I'm at home esp. during weekends. I haven't seen anybody who so gleefully pulls out steamed idlis and sambhar, along with 5 varieties of dishes and curries for lunch at the same time.

I surely cannot keep up with her. She will not sit still for a second. She tends to over do things whether or not she is up to it. But she never forces me to work along side her and asks me to leave her alone and stop fussing her. I feel bad leaving her like that but I've come to realize that it really doesn't make any difference 'coz she is so involved in the process that one can only stand over there as a spectator with nothing to do other than swatting flies. And its so hard to keep your hands off the things she makes and places on the plate. Earlier, I did not take any of the food without the whole process getting over. Now, however, I've just given up and she has to chase me out of the kitchen.

Yes, Ive learned a lot from her methods and she always keeps giving me advice and tips on many things. Looking at her, at times, we keep forgetting that she is old and weak also. She takes all the pains in her stride. Matt told me once, how often he has caught her massaging her legs on her own at night, after a long day's work, without stirring a soul.

It brings tears to my eyes at times when I think of what she has been through. 'Coz of cancer, her right hand has swollen up because the fluids keep collecting up there. She can't wear bangles which every Kerala woman loves, she walks lop-sided and can't climb heights, because her legs ache if she exerts her self. But she still walks speedily, sometimes it looks like she is gonna fall, whenever we go for outings just to keep up with us and not to miss out of all the fun. She hates any kind of sympathy or special treatment. She wants us to treat her like she is normal and fights her way to resume work the way she wants. In the little time , I've known her, she has been a person who has given me ample space to make mistakes. But she does not tolerate my irresponsibility or laziness and points it out then and there.

Its overwhelming what she has shown me - that it takes a lot more than having a beautiful face or body to be a Woman in the true sense. It goes to show that one does not need to compromise on anything just because s/he is sick or just because someone has written us off as weak. We need to be aware of our own capabilities and push its limits. Though not in so many words, she does not claim to be a very great person nor expects any accolades for what she does. She feels she is just being what she was meant to be - A SURVIVOR!!

And miles to go before I sleep

I'm not a poet nor a very ardent poem fan. But today, I sit peering on to the screen of my blinking computer, and I can't help thinking of this one line, I read way back when I was in school. Robert Frost's 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' is notably one of his famous poems with a deep meaning and significance about life. The last two lines always touch me and reminds me of how much further my life lies ahead. Today is one of those days where I feel, that this is it, I have seen enough and I don't think there is anything else left for me to learn or do. I should just hang up by boots and accept life as it is.

But then, why doesn't it give me any peace or comfort and seem like I'm lying to myself when I say, this is all I can achieve. I wish I knew what my future held( I know that it shouldn't matter) but at times I really do wish I could just take a peek ( like the trailers in Movies), just to get a feel about how its going to be. I know I have someone watching over me, and smiling knowingly as I sit and speculate about this and walk on untrodden paths. He smiles because He knows that no matter how much I wish, it is futile because He is the one in charge. And He sure surprises me each time.

Each day is bringing in something new, and I see the world just flurrying past me. I'm not sure whether I can do it all and nor can I let go . Lessons I thought I learned long back, has now come back haunting. Maybe, after all , I didn't learn too much. I have witnessed new rays of hopes and chances to revive. So many I haven't paid attention to. And just when I thought I'd seen it all, here comes thousands of them beckoning me again. There have been so many things I thought I wasn't capable of but I am, so many things I thought I was capable of but I'm not. These contradictions are overwhelming at times because I cannot get what I want and have really got things I never imagined would ever be mine.

U2 blares in mind a song I used to dance to in my 12th, "But I still haven't found what I'm lookin' for..." Those days I used to dance to to its tunes, but now I've started realizing what the song meant. Life will never be predictable, and we can never say, its over after growing up, or getting a job or after marriage or even after having kids. Because what I mightt think is the END , its always just been a BEGINNING to a new dawn and a new phase in my life.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. - Robert Frost

Words that catch my fancy

Alright, I was browsing the net recently for some interesting websites recently(in order to keep my creativity flowing) and came across some words. So what's so great about that is, I just happened to think how some words, catch your attention and remains in your head the whole day. It just is so fancy that you try to use it in some sentence while speaking and don't even realize that these sentences don't make any sense but you'll use it anyways 'coz you just fancy it's pronunciations so much...

Does this happen only to me? Maybe. It might be part of my weird and wacky mind which goes totally out of control sometimes. So anyways, I thought I'll list down a few words that brings mixed emotions in my mind and a tingling sensation in my stomach. Some are so expressive in it self that just enunciating that word is enough to explain them. No need to add anything else. Check it out...

1. Rhapsody - An instrumental composition irregular in form and suggestive of improvisation. An ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. 2. Scintillating - Animated; vivacious; effervescent. 3. Enunciate - To utter or pronounce (words, sentences, etc.), esp. in an articulate or a particular manner. 4. Aubergine - No no its not a word with a very deep meaning, it is what we call in India - the Brinjal, also known as eggplant. (The brinjal is a little different in South east Asia compared to other continents. But I like the word Aubergine.)5. Jazz - A style of dance music, popular esp. in the 1920s, arranged for a large band and marked by some of the features of jazz.(I've pronounced this 4 letter word in 4 different types - 'jasss', 'chazz', 'jaaaz' and finally the correct way 'jaz'.)

6. Mystique - A framework of doctrines, ideas, beliefs, or the like, constructed around a person or object, endowing the person or object with enhanced value or profound meaning. 7.Emancipate - To free from restraint, influence, or the like. 8. Radical - Thorough going or extreme, esp. as regards change from accepted or traditional forms. Favoring drastic political, economic, or social reforms. eg. A radical change in the policy of a company. 9. Ghastly - Shockingly frightful or dreadful, horrible. 10. Epiphany - A literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.

11. Balmy - mild and refreshing; soft; soothing. (I remember coming across this word first time in a Nancy Drew book when I was in the 6th. It really made me sick and my stomach hurt. Till date, whenever I read this word, my stomach hurts. Seriously, I have no logical explanation as to why it happens. Its weird. Such a harmless word. tch tch!!) 12. Saunter, ramble - To walk with a leisurely gait; stroll. eg: Sauntering through the woods. 13. Grotesque - Odd or unnatural in shape, appearance, or character; fantastically ugly or absurd, bizarre.14. Presumptuous - Impolitely bold.

I can go on and on but I think I should stop. Referring to No.11, wanted to reveal something else. Whenever I write, it makes me very uncomfortable if I haven't dotted the 'i's, the full stops and stroke the 't's properly. When in college or class, if I found I haven't satisfyingly stroke a 't' or dotted the 'i's', I would go back and make it right, thus, being left behind with my notes. It was highly irritating. I still don't know why I did that. Like I said before, W-E-I-R-D-O, that's what I am...

Hey Naisha, Carol why don't you guys try out this exercise, lets see which words catch your fancy...

* Source for the definitions - Dictionary.com

In her shoes

When you see the trailers, it looks like any other 'chick flick' is what one of the reviewer wrote about this movie. (btw, this word 'chick flick' troubles me a lot, I mean any women-oriented movie is called a 'chick flick', what's with that.. then what should we call all those mindless action-packed, gruesome murders and senseless violence displaying movies..? 'leave-your-brains-at-home flick'??) yeah rite!!

Anyways I saw this movie because I wanted to see Toni Collette, her last movie I saw was 'About a boy', which was again an awesome movie. I really wasn't keen to see Cameron Diaz, coz I thought, she might just be a glamor quotient in the movie. Well, wasn't I in for a surprise!!

The story is about 2 sisters, Maggie Feller(Cameron Diaz) and Rose Feller(Toni Collette) who lose their mother at a young age. Maggie is the typical dumb blond who is always drinking, partying and sleeping around with guys all the time anywhere and everywhere. She stays with her father, who lives with his new wife Syndelle. Syndelle is again the typical stepmother who cannot see anything more spectacular than her daughter who she keeps referring to as 'My Marsha'(maybe a cue from the character 'Marcia' in Brady Bunch??)
Maggie comes home one night quite late and drunk. Using this as an excuse, Syndelle kicks her out of home. So Maggie moves in with her sister Rose. Rose, who is a successful lawyer, uses her job as an mask to cover all her insecurities of being over-weight, not having many guys falling for her and that of not being quite stylish nor fashionable. She also has a great collection of stylish and expensive shoes which she never wears but has a cupboard full of it.

The story then moves ahead with the sisters having a fallout and finding out about their grandmother, Ella (Shirley MacLaine) who they think is dead. Shirley MacLaine is simply outstanding in her role of a non-emotional lady, coping with the sudden arrival of family once again in her life. All the three ladies cope with the lose of their loved one, the girl's mother and Ella's daughter.

Maggie who has dyslexia takes up a job as a helper in a hospital and finds a blind old man, a retired professor. He asks her to read to him which she refuses. But he doesn't give up on her and patiently makes her read the book. She discovers her true talent of being a good fashion stylist for people.

Rose quits her high-profile job and takes up on dog-walking to find the simple intricacies of life. Betrayed and having lost all hope, she finds herself in love again from someone she least expected and finally decides to wear her shoes.

Ella realizes that life has given her a second chance. She overcomes her guilt of having abandoned her granddaughters. She begins to embrace life with a new found love and taking part actively in the girls' well being.

The last part of the movie shows Rose getting married. Maggie asks her sister to let her pick out the dress as she would know what suits her best.

Why I liked the movie? Well, because it was honest and brutal to some extent. There are certain things in life that does not fade with time - Your responsibilities, your fears, your inabilities. You may go on in life, but these things if not dealt with comes back haunting you. This movie also speaks about how important being honest to oneself is... So this is again a must watch...

Moderately average

In life, we are always surrounded by go-getters, super-achievers and goal-seekers. But not everyone can become No.1. So how do we deal with failure or rather being the No.2 or No.10? Isn't it easy to just give up, pack your backs and go home. Some of us aren't even running the race coz they want to take life as it comes. But hasn't there been at least one moment in everyone's life where we wish we could trade all this with the No.1 person's life? Forget all logic of 'no one is perfect, there is surely something wrong somewhere with his/her lives'.. But for outsiders he/she might always be the one person who has it all. Everyone wants to live that one moment - not that life - but a few moments of basking in the glory sheer success and riches. To be the subject of somebody's envy, somebody's admiration and somebody's motivation...

In the end of it all, I really do wonder what gives these people the almost-god-like persona. Is it leadership? But when all people are equally qualified and taught to be leaders in the same environment, what cuts them above from everyone else? Who are leaders? Leadership quality requires to give direction as well as execution of tasks. So are these qualities inborn or taught? Some are born to be leaders, its in their blood, while some learn. The effectiveness of a leader depends on results and execution of plans. Or does it? A leader makes mistakes but should learn from them and move on. All this is easier said than done. No, success is surely a combination of many other factors along with being a leader. It takes the 3 D's - determination, dedication and discipline. Its not so important to be a leader to a team of people but being a leader of your own self is a challenge in itself. It means to have a control over all your urges to divert from your goal and to change paths. It means bringing your mind and body to push harder against all hurdles and achieve your goals. We need to set standards for our own selves and not give up. This is the only way the written-off, moderately average can become achievers - if not for anyone else atleast for your own self...

Women!! Oh Woman

I usually watch 'Lounge' by Rajat Kapur on NDTV. I really like the way he conducts the talk. He never talks too much and never rushes his guests and he genuinely listens to them without any pretense. He is a fresh air to the usual talk shows where only the host keeps blabbering all the time. So this time the topic of discussion was on how close -knit a family is in India, where kids and parents are too attached. There was this lady who spent all her life looking after her kids and when they left, she was devastated. I was very shocked when she said, 'My whole definition of a family was my kids, and now they have left, what do I have to live for?'. And it made me realize isn't this what happens to most of the mothers whose world revolves around her kids. And so I just thought to jot down a woman's journey the way I see around me.

Man and wife are meant to be one after marriage, but what happens when they begin to talk alike, dress alike and in a weird way - even look alike. Is it possible? Sadly, yes. Well, its a matter of perception.

One initially finds it really sweet and romantic, when you have a partner who finishes your sentences, knows what your thinking at a single gaze. Believe me it would be a fantasy come true for every married person, be it a woman or a man. Then an element of predictability creeps in, which can be a tad annoying! Have you ever been out for dinner with a newly wed couple? Oh its a sight to watch, the guy is always at her beck and call, the girl is all blushing and smiling and they are always holding hands... Meet them 8 months down the line, well all these aspects still remain, but none seem to genuine in their effort!

Ok these are just the physical aspects, there are some very crucial facts here, though. As humans we are emotional, esp. women. When we are in love, we think there is absolutely nothing in this world that could make us more happy than loving our partner each day, fulfilling his each desire and looking the best for him. In this time, all the other things that once held the top-most priority in you life, diminishes to the background. Your friends, work or studies, passions and hobbies you pursued et al. And gradually before you know, you start to lose your individuality. And then one day when its all settled in, for some, your relationship hits a normalcy period and you actually realize, 'hey there is more to life than this!'

But for some others, they go ahead and have kids, and then there is no time to reclaim your lost self. And as being a woman, we take care of our babies! Coz that is what we are supposed to do, rite? Then what happens, we all know. When they are babies they cling to us, but once they start learning to walk, Im sure every mother cries a bit, realizing they wont be that dependant now!

And the process continues as kids go to school, college and one day leaves home! There begins a whole new phase of pangs of longing for our kids, long lost self discovery, guilt of having abandoned ourselves for so long.

As women of the new generation, we know how hard it was for our parents to let go of us. The number of fights, arguments and moments of rebellion and it continues even after you are married. They are our parents, they expect us to listen to them, and rightly so!

It is very important for each partner to maintain their individuality after marriage. Coz, seriously, there is MORE to life... And its more of a matter of being real to yourself. Women play many roles in life - being a daughter, a wife , a mother. And society feels these are the important roles we need to play. But luckily, for our generation, we have chances to be more than these 3 roles. We work, we are ambitious and we lead a life where no body can question our 'Roles'. We are seen more than just mothers and wives. Today we have it all.

But still many of us just give it up. Well, again its a matter of choice. It all comes down to one thing, we need to learn to be HAPPY in whatever situation we are. However, its easier said than done....