When I saw the movie 'Shrek' the first time, I cried. Because I really felt for the character and cud relate to him and not because im that ugly or scary. There are times when I can drive people away from me and turn into a monster. It used to affect me earlier and I tried putting up this mask of being a very calm person but inside i wud be an erupting volcano. The reason why Shrek was a social outcast lies in the fact that people had a pre-conceived notion about him and he didn't actually fit the bill of the so-called civilized society. Being scorned from childhood, pricked and poked by 'humans', he lived on his own and his best friend was 'himself' and his beloved place was his 'swamp'. He minded his own business and also indulged at times playing on the fears created about him by scaring humans. And so they stayed away.
It takes an ogre to know the trials and tribulations of another. And so it was. The beautiful Princess Fiona turned into an ogre when the sun set down. This she guarded as a painful secret with her life. But the one thing she wanted to run away from, she finally embraced it for the rest of her life. During various phases of life, our personalities undergo transformations. On the way, we minus things we dont want and add things we feel suit us. We adapt inhibitions, become more poised and we refine the way we talk. In short we out grow our childhood. And this goes on from school to college to work to marriage and on the way, we end up having lost and gained so much.
No matter how much you try, you just can't get rid of certain aspects in life. It keeps raising its ugly head every now and then and we guard it as a secret. Maybe there could come some good from this. As long as Shrek was in his comfort zone, nobody bothered to know him at all. It was only when his swamp was invaded that he took the risk of setting out and reclaim what he had lost. And on the way he got more than he bargained for. Thats when his true colors outshone even the most good looking of human beings. On the contrary, Princess Fiona waited for the perfect Prince Charming to come and rescue her. And rescued she was, but by this disgustingly ugly ogre. She always dreamt of the perfect ending where finally she marries the Prince and lives happily ever after. To the world she was the most beautiful Princess and if things went right, nobody would know her ugly secret. But that was not meant to be. She had to decide between retaining her beautiful self at the cost of giving up what she really was. Or embracing true happiness by turning into an ogre. She chose the latter. And though it wasn't the perfect picture in front of the society, it felt right all the same.
Also worth mentioning is Donkey, who overcame his fear of Shrek and never left his side. He was different coz he didn't let common sense or worldly knowledge ruin his intelligence. It helps to make a knowledge database of our own, not based on what people say is best or following typical norms. We could actually surprise ourselves with something very special. Aren't there moments in life when you feel you could really do without some of your personal traits. I DO. I could really do without some of my physical flaws, or momentary anger, or the urge to bang my head against the wall when thing don't go the way I want to, or laze around and make all sorts of excuses for everything wrong in my life. Maybe I cud work on some of them or maybe not.
And aren't there times when you feel like running through the rains, or jumping on a trampoline, playing langdi or seven tiles or cricket like kids, or relish a mango thoroughly without any care for all the juices oozing down your fingers and dress. I just can't remember when I stopped doing all this and why? May be next time I won't quieten the 'Shrek' that awakens my senses and will oblige even if it is at the cost of losing my dignity.
Indian men can't stand a woman driving!! There I said it.... and its an Indian truth(coz, I dunno about how it is abroad...) The moment they spot a lady on her vehicle, they have to peer and observe her riding or driving. For them, its the 8th greatest wonder if a girl rides a bullet or drives a hummer. According to men, women in general just don't have what it takes to be driving a car or riding a bike. No sense of direction, no understanding of the power of the vehicle and no road sense at all. As it is, woman are fighting a war literally everyday to make a place for themselves in all aspects and add to this the woes of travelling on your own vehicle. I thought, it may only happen in smaller cities and towns, till I stayed in Mumbai for some time. The city is the coolest metro with malls, theatres, eateries and good hang-out places in every nook and corner, but finding a woman rider is a rare phenomena there, which is weirdly surprising. And even if a girl does venture out, you won't find her on the main junction roads or flyovers.
One evening, Matt and me were passing the road parallel to Haji Ali. And we saw a girl riding an Activa. All the people turned their heads to watch, and after sometime, some guys on their bikes started honking and hooting. My friend D was also riding along with us, and started honking. It just was so instinctive for them to honk. Like a bunch of monkeys following their chief and they just kept watching her till she vanished from sight. I was horrified!! I asked D why he did that. And he said something like 'She shouldn't be riding on a highway, it's not safe with all the big vehicles and traffic', which didn't make sense at all. I mean, who made them the guardians of all the girls on the street.
In Pune, though men are quite tolerant ('coz they don't have a choice), one will usually see them looking at women riders with ridicule and shake their heads as to 'What this world is coming to', when they see a girl speeding through. The comments range from 'see what she is wearing while riding a bike' to 'she can't even balance her handles properly' to 'how can she kick start with those heels'. And then the typical malayali achayans stating, 'pennangal aaittu pogannu pokku kandille'(being girls, see how they are going) or 'Vandi odikyan arriyithille veethil vekaratho?'( If you don't know how to drive, keep your vehicle at home). I know one such achayan who wouldn't buy a 2- wheeler for his daughter. And the reason he cited, 'Oh, girls are always riding so fast now-a-days. Its scary out there.' Yeah rite, boys are the safest and slowest riders ever. Girls are the ones obsessed with speed.
The worst kinds are the truck and lorry-drivers on connecting routes to the highways. They get specially excited first of all seeing a girl, and then a girl riding a 2-wheeler, its like 'sone pe suhaaga'. They have to overtake or corner or race a girl on a bike. I have personally faced it so many times. And god-forbid, when you overtake them when they are least expecting, you'll hear an array of colorful words and hand gestures.
Its like, men just can't accept that a woman can drive on her own without making a mistake. Matt or his friend D have to pass a remark or raise their eyebrows if they can sight one woman driving a big vehicle like a bmw or a benz. Its like their head turns to see the vehicle, then it turns to see the driver and then it turns once more if its a girl, this time much faster. D had a time of his life when he came to Pune. He was so irritated because he couldn't see the faces of the women riding their 2-wheelers as they cover their faces with scarves. And the patience level almost hits ceiling, when they see a woman parking or navigating their cars through heavy traffic. Matt, (an ardent believer that women by large don't know how to drive, sparing a few) will wait and stand at times just to watch how a woman parks her car and says 'Oh, I should go and help her.'
He narrated an incident which happened many years before, when one night a lady was riding a chetak. She came in good speed and hit a speed breaker, after which she lost her balance and instead of trying to control, she left her hands to cover her face and screamed. Well, who says, just because we ride, we should lose our feminity? Women will be women and we'll ride just like how a woman is supposed to. And even if we go flying down after a skid, we'll see that our hair is in place and fall in style. You don't like it?? Too bad...as the scooty ad goes "Why should men have all the fun?"
My in-laws are visiting us for 2 weeks. They arrived on Sunday the week before. It is always a delight to have them around the house. They do not waste any time in settling down or taking rest , but start off taking charge of the house hold activities and everything. They are always there to greet me when I reach home, otherwise which is empty, since Matt comes home quite late. The house has lit up so much with lively, animated conversation, laughter, chatty arguments over the silliest things(my mom-in-law and me about whether a certain fruit was an orange or sweet lime), narrating old childhood stories and unlimited food - heavy breakfast, lunch and dinners. Literally everyday, I feel like taking a leave and staying at home.
My mom-in-law is a pure workaholic. She worked as a nurse and is now a house wife in the fullest sense. As a nurse, she had to work many shifts and then manage home with 3 unruly boys who were obviously up to no good. And now she has the set pattern of working 24/7 around the clock. Before coming to visit us, she made around 6 jackfruit halwa - a specialty of Kerala, ground coconut chutney and pineapple jam(let me remind you, these things take a loads of time to prepare and requires constant attention). In the last one week at home, she has made 3 bottles of pickles - lime, garlic and mango, other delicacies like unni appams and urad wadas. She has prepared enough spices - right from scratch - for me to use for the next 6 months. And all this despite of the fact that I constantly try to stop her from entering the kitchen, at least when I'm at home esp. during weekends. I haven't seen anybody who so gleefully pulls out steamed idlis and sambhar, along with 5 varieties of dishes and curries for lunch at the same time.
I surely cannot keep up with her. She will not sit still for a second. She tends to over do things whether or not she is up to it. But she never forces me to work along side her and asks me to leave her alone and stop fussing her. I feel bad leaving her like that but I've come to realize that it really doesn't make any difference 'coz she is so involved in the process that one can only stand over there as a spectator with nothing to do other than swatting flies. And its so hard to keep your hands off the things she makes and places on the plate. Earlier, I did not take any of the food without the whole process getting over. Now, however, I've just given up and she has to chase me out of the kitchen.
Yes, Ive learned a lot from her methods and she always keeps giving me advice and tips on many things. Looking at her, at times, we keep forgetting that she is old and weak also. She takes all the pains in her stride. Matt told me once, how often he has caught her massaging her legs on her own at night, after a long day's work, without stirring a soul.
It brings tears to my eyes at times when I think of what she has been through. 'Coz of cancer, her right hand has swollen up because the fluids keep collecting up there. She can't wear bangles which every Kerala woman loves, she walks lop-sided and can't climb heights, because her legs ache if she exerts her self. But she still walks speedily, sometimes it looks like she is gonna fall, whenever we go for outings just to keep up with us and not to miss out of all the fun. She hates any kind of sympathy or special treatment. She wants us to treat her like she is normal and fights her way to resume work the way she wants. In the little time , I've known her, she has been a person who has given me ample space to make mistakes. But she does not tolerate my irresponsibility or laziness and points it out then and there.
Its overwhelming what she has shown me - that it takes a lot more than having a beautiful face or body to be a Woman in the true sense. It goes to show that one does not need to compromise on anything just because s/he is sick or just because someone has written us off as weak. We need to be aware of our own capabilities and push its limits. Though not in so many words, she does not claim to be a very great person nor expects any accolades for what she does. She feels she is just being what she was meant to be - A SURVIVOR!!
I'm not a poet nor a very ardent poem fan. But today, I sit peering on to the screen of my blinking computer, and I can't help thinking of this one line, I read way back when I was in school. Robert Frost's 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' is notably one of his famous poems with a deep meaning and significance about life. The last two lines always touch me and reminds me of how much further my life lies ahead. Today is one of those days where I feel, that this is it, I have seen enough and I don't think there is anything else left for me to learn or do. I should just hang up by boots and accept life as it is.But then, why doesn't it give me any peace or comfort and seem like I'm lying to myself when I say, this is all I can achieve. I wish I knew what my future held( I know that it shouldn't matter) but at times I really do wish I could just take a peek ( like the trailers in Movies), just to get a feel about how its going to be. I know I have someone watching over me, and smiling knowingly as I sit and speculate about this and walk on untrodden paths. He smiles because He knows that no matter how much I wish, it is futile because He is the one in charge. And He sure surprises me each time.Each day is bringing in something new, and I see the world just flurrying past me. I'm not sure whether I can do it all and nor can I let go . Lessons I thought I learned long back, has now come back haunting. Maybe, after all , I didn't learn too much. I have witnessed new rays of hopes and chances to revive. So many I haven't paid attention to. And just when I thought I'd seen it all, here comes thousands of them beckoning me again. There have been so many things I thought I wasn't capable of but I am, so many things I thought I was capable of but I'm not. These contradictions are overwhelming at times because I cannot get what I want and have really got things I never imagined would ever be mine.
U2 blares in mind a song I used to dance to in my 12th, "But I still haven't found what I'm lookin' for..." Those days I used to dance to to its tunes, but now I've started realizing what the song meant. Life will never be predictable, and we can never say, its over after growing up, or getting a job or after marriage or even after having kids. Because what I mightt think is the END , its always just been a BEGINNING to a new dawn and a new phase in my life. The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. - Robert Frost
